Wonvanciss is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, ill-tempered octopus.

Wonvanciss created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wonvanciss, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Wonvanciss, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Wonvanciss' most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Wonvanciss' Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near badgers while wearing brown tights and balancing nine zinc spheres on your arms.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not sing in public.