Japvadlanpidbigkop is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, tranquil gnu.

Japvadlanpidbigkop created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japvadlanpidbigkop, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Japvadlanpidbigkop, it will turn you into a sheep.

Japvadlanpidbigkop's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Japvadlanpidbigkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back turquoise.

2. Never talk about archaea.

3. Never wear blue tights.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Hide if five seals approach from the east.