Lapdussrak Popzagfid is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, impressive octopus.

Lapdussrak Popzagfid created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapdussrak Popzagfid, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lapdussrak Popzagfid, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lapdussrak Popzagfid's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Lapdussrak Popzagfid's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Lapdussrak Popzagfid on top of all buildings.

2. Retreat if seven seals approach from the west.

3. Never feed grapes to whales while wearing boots.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Do not listen to music.