Vedlatjab is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, tiresome crab.

Vedlatjab created the planet Earth two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vedlatjab, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vedlatjab, she will turn you into a sheep.

Vedlatjab's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Vedlatjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep three snakes in a large pit.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Never think about electromagnetism near moths while wearing violet boots and balancing six nickel spheres on your hands.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.