Kiphitton Stignellxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, irritating slug.

Kiphitton Stignellxuc created a Higgs boson five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kiphitton Stignellxuc, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kiphitton Stignellxuc, he will turn you into a dog.

Kiphitton Stignellxuc's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Kiphitton Stignellxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of gooseberries to manatees while wearing black shorts.

2. Do not eat aubergines.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never run in the presence of eagles.

5. Never talk about stars.