Yamquafwabciss is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unthinking swan.

Yamquafwabciss created the Tadpole Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yamquafwabciss, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yamquafwabciss, he will turn you into a puffin.

Yamquafwabciss' most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Yamquafwabciss' Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not take Yamquafwabciss' name in vain.

4. You must pray to Yamquafwabciss nine times a day.

5. Do not speak about garlic.