Quagdadquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, boastful guinea pig.

Quagdadquaf created the planet Jupiter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagdadquaf, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quagdadquaf, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Quagdadquaf's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Quagdadquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not wear silicon on your body.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

5. Never sprint in holy places.