Quatmegfub is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, dishonourable dove.

Quatmegfub created the Cigar Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Quatmegfub, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quatmegfub, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quatmegfub's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Quatmegfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into turquoise rooms.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never hurt moths.

4. Never think about optics.

5. Do not eat apples.