Cimtapmat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humorless crow.

Cimtapmat created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cimtapmat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cimtapmat, he will turn you into a mole.

Cimtapmat's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Cimtapmat's Holy Commandments

1. Seals are not to be trusted.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

5. Do not keep seven hamsters in a large pit.