Cemgabwee is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, duplicitous octopus.

Cemgabwee created Africa two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemgabwee, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Cemgabwee, he will not invite you to parties.

Cemgabwee's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Cemgabwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed figs to snails while wearing red corsets.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. You must never eat coconuts.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

5. Never talk about moons.