Quartbonklig is a god.

He takes the form of a small, deceitful cow.

Quartbonklig created the Small Magellanic Cloud two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartbonklig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quartbonklig, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Quartbonklig's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Quartbonklig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Run away from purple whales, for they are unholy.

4. Retreat if five tortoises approach from the west.

5. Never think about quantum field theory.