Bessmitben is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, sage grasshopper.

Bessmitben created Africa two years ago.

If you believe in Bessmitben, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bessmitben, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Bessmitben's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Bessmitben's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured aardvarks.

2. Run away if nine goats approach from the north.

3. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

4. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Bessmitben in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never write about galaxies.