Mumxemyat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, witless slug.

Mumxemyat created gold seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Mumxemyat, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mumxemyat, it will turn you into a dog.

Mumxemyat's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Mumxemyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near horses while wearing mauve dresses.

2. Never feed melons to moths while wearing purple ear rings.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not kill tortoises.

5. Put Mumxemyat first in all things.