Jopfedcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, ill-tempered mongoose.

Jopfedcuss created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Jopfedcuss, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jopfedcuss, she will come to you in dreams.

Jopfedcuss' most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Jopfedcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Jopfedcuss must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Learn five new languages a year.