Paklenpom is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, calm crocodile.

Paklenpom created Asia five million years ago.

If you believe in Paklenpom, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Paklenpom, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Paklenpom's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Paklenpom's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate squirrels.

2. Never think about optics.

3. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Paklenpom in the centre of the settlement.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never pour water over plants.