Hitjanpasbom is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, stupid parrot.

Hitjanpasbom created gold three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitjanpasbom, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hitjanpasbom, it will turn you into a rock.

Hitjanpasbom's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Hitjanpasbom's Holy Commandments

1. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hitjanpasbom.

3. You must never eat coconuts.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.