Applegpad is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, self-confident manatee.

Applegpad created carbon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Applegpad, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Applegpad, she will curse you with boils.

Applegpad's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Applegpad's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peanuts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never write about archaea.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near hamsters while wearing purple trousers and balancing six iron spheres on your back.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.