Sisjapfab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, all-powerful bird.

Sisjapfab created dark energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sisjapfab, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sisjapfab, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Sisjapfab's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Sisjapfab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help seals in need.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Sisjapfab.

3. Never talk about optics near manatees while wearing black boots and balancing four aluminium spheres on your arms.

4. You must pray to Sisjapfab five times a day.

5. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Sisjapfab in the centre of the settlement.