Funsandkim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tiresome giraffe.

Funsandkim created a charm quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Funsandkim, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Funsandkim, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Funsandkim's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Funsandkim's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.