Nelkincat is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, compassionate cat.

Nelkincat created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelkincat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nelkincat, he will destroy your home solar system.

Nelkincat's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Nelkincat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never think about ultrasonics.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near whales while wearing white dresses and balancing nine lead spheres on your head.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.