Jarnhasrig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, selfish slug.

Jarnhasrig created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhasrig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jarnhasrig, he will send minions to preach to you.

Jarnhasrig's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Jarnhasrig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Never think about eukaryotes.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never wear corsets.