Sistablunwon is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental sheep.

Sistablunwon created bats five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sistablunwon, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sistablunwon, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Sistablunwon's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Sistablunwon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sprint in public.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.