Badquafcinnell is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, sage hydra.

Badquafcinnell created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Badquafcinnell, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Badquafcinnell, he will throw large rocks at you.

Badquafcinnell's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Badquafcinnell's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never talk about eukaryotes.

5. Do not covet oxen.