Fontailaf is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, slow octopus.

Fontailaf created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fontailaf, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fontailaf, he will remove you from existence.

Fontailaf's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Fontailaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your chest.

2. Never talk about gravity near doves while wearing brown skirts.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never think about ribonucleic acid.