Bemwadgess is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, fussy turtle.

Bemwadgess created life nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemwadgess, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Bemwadgess, he will come to you in dreams.

Bemwadgess' most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Bemwadgess' Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bemwadgess.

2. Always wear yellow.

3. Do not kill horses.

4. Never think ill of sick manatees.

5. Never feed lots of carrots to capybaras while wearing orange corsets.