Kapgofmip is a god.

He takes the form of a large, moody newt.

Kapgofmip created life five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapgofmip, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kapgofmip, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Kapgofmip's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Kapgofmip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy.

2. Never feed pineapples to horses while wearing skirts.

3. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never hurt geese.

5. Run away from orange grasshopers, for they are unholy.