Tafcitmid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, calm cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tafcitmid created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tafcitmid, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tafcitmid, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tafcitmid's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Tafcitmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always look after injured turtles.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Tafcitmid in the centre of the settlement.

5. Tafcitmid loves cats, so they must be honoured.