Tanartsis is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, merciful snail.

Tanartsis created Mount Everest nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanartsis, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tanartsis, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tanartsis' most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Tanartsis' Holy Commandments

1. You must love Tanartsis.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never eat wheat.

5. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a room before entering it.