Vanfumcad is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, intelligent fish.

Vanfumcad created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanfumcad, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vanfumcad, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vanfumcad's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Vanfumcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention dolphins.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never feed beans to snails while wearing mauve hats.

4. Never talk about dwarf planets.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.