Yartsas is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, unfair cat.

Yartsas created the planet Jupiter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartsas, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yartsas, it will remove you from existence.

Yartsas' most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Yartsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never look at comets.

2. Never think about gravity near frogs while wearing violet ear rings and balancing eight carbon spheres on your hands.

3. You must never eat tomatoes.

4. Never feed pineapples to cats while wearing brown skirts.

5. Manatees are not to be trusted.