Litvolvog is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, unthinking elephant.

Litvolvog created a top quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Litvolvog, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Litvolvog, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Litvolvog's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Litvolvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of parsnips to pigs while wearing yellow dresses.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Always help sick shrews.

4. Always treat dogs with great respect.

5. Never hurt goats.