Kiptonkvidtun is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, intelligent hummingbird.

Kiptonkvidtun created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kiptonkvidtun, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kiptonkvidtun, she will turn you into a tree.

Kiptonkvidtun's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Kiptonkvidtun's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Kiptonkvidtun.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Put Kiptonkvidtun first in all things.

4. Hide if nine tapirs approach from the east.

5. Do not listen to music.