Dotnartvig is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, selfish hyena.

Dotnartvig created a bottom quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotnartvig, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dotnartvig, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Dotnartvig's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Dotnartvig's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Always treat horses with great respect.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.