Nibsomlik is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, thoughtless tortoise.

Nibsomlik created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nibsomlik, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nibsomlik, she will not invite you to parties.

Nibsomlik's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Nibsomlik's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Nibsomlik.

2. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Feed all hungry nematodes.

4. You must never eat oranges.

5. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.