Tomsomnegrakhakmumril is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, unfair mink.

Tomsomnegrakhakmumril created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomsomnegrakhakmumril, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tomsomnegrakhakmumril, he will turn you into a plant.

Tomsomnegrakhakmumril's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Tomsomnegrakhakmumril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Never write about spacetime.

3. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

4. Never feed tomatoes to tortoises while wearing corsets.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.