Teenmifwik is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, uncaring swan.

Teenmifwik created oxygen five million years ago.

If you believe in Teenmifwik, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Teenmifwik, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Teenmifwik's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Teenmifwik's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

4. Goats are not to be trusted.

5. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.