Gonpidrag is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, annoying lizard.

Gonpidrag created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonpidrag, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gonpidrag, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Gonpidrag's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Gonpidrag's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near ants.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Retreat if four whales approach from the south.

4. Do not take Gonpidrag's name in vain.

5. Do not wear cyan clothing.