Quamtarpkenfub is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, smart crocodile.

Quamtarpkenfub created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamtarpkenfub, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quamtarpkenfub, he will turn you into a sheep.

Quamtarpkenfub's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Quamtarpkenfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nebulae.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Quamtarpkenfub loves pigs, so they must be respected.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.