Matstaffod is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, selfish fly.

Matstaffod created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Matstaffod, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Matstaffod, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Matstaffod's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Matstaffod's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never think about optics near swans while wearing gray coats and balancing seven iron spheres on your hands.

4. Never think ill of sick whales.

5. Retreat if three ants approach from the south.