Besslarpgud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, ill-tempered porpoise.

Besslarpgud created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Besslarpgud, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Besslarpgud, he will try to impress you with trees.

Besslarpgud's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Besslarpgud's Holy Commandments

1. Always help birds in need.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not keep four great tits in a large pit.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never look at moons.