Habspagtarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, strong cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Habspagtarp created viruses two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Habspagtarp, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Habspagtarp, he will turn you into a duck.

Habspagtarp's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Habspagtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Hide if nine aardvarks approach from the west.

3. Hide from blue shrews for they are unholy.

4. Never think about dwarf planets.

5. Always treat great tits with great respect.