Yartonksitgundagmap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unfair yak.

Yartonksitgundagmap created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yartonksitgundagmap, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Yartonksitgundagmap, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Yartonksitgundagmap's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Yartonksitgundagmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to manatees while wearing fawn jumpers.

2. Never wear shoes.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always help sick dogs.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.