Tarpkamkip is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, dishonourable troll.

Tarpkamkip created the Sunflower Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpkamkip, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarpkamkip, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tarpkamkip's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Tarpkamkip's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tarpkamkip four times a day.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near goats while wearing purple hats and balancing six aluminium spheres on your back.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never look at planets.