Fommip Kopteenspag is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, selfish dolphin.

Fommip Kopteenspag created a photon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fommip Kopteenspag, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fommip Kopteenspag, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Fommip Kopteenspag's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Fommip Kopteenspag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help ducks.

2. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

3. Do not eat beans.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Fommip Kopteenspag on top of all buildings.

5. Do not covet oxen.