Vanlikhamkar is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, selfish squid.

Vanlikhamkar created Mount Everest five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanlikhamkar, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vanlikhamkar, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Vanlikhamkar's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Vanlikhamkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Put Vanlikhamkar first in all things.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. You must pray to Vanlikhamkar five times a day.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Vanlikhamkar.