Tifvonkjat is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, clever finch.

Tifvonkjat created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifvonkjat, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tifvonkjat, she will make you grow a tail.

Tifvonkjat's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tifvonkjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never mention snakes.

4. Run away from red geese, for they are unholy.

5. Hide from fawn hamsters for they are unholy.