Zoddussvogquimtab is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, happy lobster.

Zoddussvogquimtab created Asia eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zoddussvogquimtab, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Zoddussvogquimtab, he will turn you into a sheep.

Zoddussvogquimtab's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Zoddussvogquimtab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five zinc sculptures of Zoddussvogquimtab on top of important buildings.

2. Zoddussvogquimtab loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Zoddussvogquimtab loves pigs, so they must be respected.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near ants while wearing black kilts and balancing eight tin spheres on your face.