Gabtiptim is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, cheerful lizard.

Gabtiptim created humankind seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabtiptim, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gabtiptim, he will turn you into a rock.

Gabtiptim's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gabtiptim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near seals while wearing gray tights and balancing five gold spheres on your hands.

2. Hide from cyan doves for they are unholy.

3. Do not take Gabtiptim's name in vain.

4. Always treat swans with great respect.

5. You must pray to Gabtiptim four times a day.