Gabjopvab is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, effective cobra.

Gabjopvab created an up quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gabjopvab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gabjopvab, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gabjopvab's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gabjopvab's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never talk about fire.