Gutsterwig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, humorless fox.

Gutsterwig created dark matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutsterwig, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gutsterwig, he will turn you into a rat.

Gutsterwig's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gutsterwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near ants while wearing mauve shoes and balancing six aluminium spheres on your legs.

2. Respect your elders.

3. You must love Gutsterwig.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity.

5. Run away from fawn porpoises, for they are unholy.